Motivation

What motivates us?  Actually screw you... what the hell motivates me?  Because today, this particular depressing nothing day in january I couldn't tell you, I don't have any drive, focus or point of view.  I really know that I should be "getting after it."  "stayin' ahead of the pack." "Workin' toward goals" and all of that shit but i really don't feel like it, ya know?  Truthfully i would like to sit around all day and do nothing but watch reruns of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" online but guess what, i have kids, a wife and a career.  I want to continue to improve my health so I have to workout and eat right, I have to maintain some kind of marketing and networking presence for my company and I have to continue to the creative process by "writing" projects for the company to perform so i can't just play on Facebook, watch reruns or just between me and you-- take naps.  You know the only naps I take are involuntary... they honestly happen when my son and I are sitting on the couch watching some cartoon, and they are not pretty either, they are really bad naps that take place while I'm sitting up and drooling, it's more of a sanitarium catatonic thing than it is a nap.  Today, i have taken four of them, and they are not nourishing bits of slumber either, they leave my eyes droopier, my mind foggier and my body crampier.  I have spent 30 seconds of every minute of today feeling worthless, not in a harmful "end of the world" type way, just in a "What is wrong with me?" kind of way. 

I think I figured it out, there is nothing wrong with me, Outside of being human.  I think the number of people that can make themselves get up at the crack of Dark-Thirty and do a 60 minute Pilates workout, drink Grapefruit Juice and take 19 servings of vitamins are an admirable insane bunch of people, they are also the same people that put their jobs above their families, their money above their friends and their goals at the cost of everyone else around them.  They are deeply motivated, they don't allow themselves to have a day like mine because then they lose "The race" I don't think I'm a runner in their race.  I think I'm that guy who entered the Marathon with the idea of finishing but not killing myself to do it.  So, yes, today I'm a useless blob, it's true-- of all the blobbiest days of my life this may be the very blobbiest.  I have done nothing that resembles work, I have pawned my son off on computer games and TV, I sent the other one to ski.  Tomorrow I am going to be right back in the marathon amongst the motivated but today let me have my reruns and my Nacho chips.  I don't know if I've earned them but I'm not a bad guy, just a little unmotivated that's all.